Send “Alright” Ringtone to your cell
And tonight I lack the strength to even move
When you walked, now watch me die
But I know this is harder for you
For love has let you down and come on
And no, you’re not alone

And the road ahead is lined with broken dreams
So walk, yeah, walk on by
And I failed to give you everything you need
For the fear’s behind your eyes

When I can’t feel you
I’m not alright, not alright
When I can’t heal you
I’m not alright, I’m not alright, I’m not alright

When I can’t feel you
I’m not alright, I’m not alright

Yes, Jesus as you throw me on the rocks
And for love I left your side
‘Causer I believed in love and beauty’s wiles
Where heaven shone from your eyes

Chain me to your tree, I wanted you to see
I wanted you to see, I wanted to believe
You chain me to your tree, I wanted you to see
I wanted you to see

So tell me that it wasn’t all for naught
It’s such a waste now, it’s such a waste now come on
‘Cause I know you’re scared but baby don’t you hide
It’s such a waste, you’ll stand alone now, you’ll make it somehow

Send “Alright” Ringtone to your cell


I haven’t told anyone outside of my immediate family, what I’m about to write here on I’m not even going to write about it on my blogger blog until all the details have all been ironed out, and everything is for sure. Then I will write a post about it.
After I got back on Methadone almost a year ago I decided to change my life. A few months ago I paid 30 dollars and downloaded an application to NYU, in New York City. I applied as a returning adult student. I sent in the application, and my high school records, as well as all the information on the classes I’ve taken at technical colleges. I wrote an in-depth essay about myself, and my life. I also included blog posts starting with the first post I’ve ever written back on and I put in posts from when I started writing a blog all the way to my most recent posts on I also sent in journal entries from teenage years, to this year. Including original poems. I did this to show how my writing skills and prose has come along since I began writing .From my grammar to my sentence structure, content, and form have gone from extremely poor to good. Of course I sent them a copy of my book, and explained that when I wrote the book I had no formal education in composition and literature. I explained how if were able to take it off the market and do a re write, I would change the book drastically. Not so much in content, but in book structure, and sentence structer, as well as grammar. What I have learned I showed in the essay I wrote, and in my most recent blog posts.
When I applied to NYU, I never even entertained the idea that I would be considered as a possible admission. I did it on a lark, mainly because I had a spare 30 dollars, and time on my hands. Plus I’m on Adderall instant release, and I have great concentration, and patience. I don’t like just sitting around wasting time. (I don’t think of reading as wasting time, I learn a lot from reading different books, and writing critiques of the books when I’ve finished reading)I really only applied because I want to move to NYC, and have a place to live when I’m there. I also thought I could take some writing workshops, and find other people as obsessed with reading and writing as I am.
When I applied I marked English lit as a major, and Russian lit as a minor or maybe drama. I would like to write a screen play or script of some kind and put on a little play somewhere. So I figure being a drama student, learning to read a screen play and see it in my head as an actual skit would be very helpful. My cousin went to school for film is making, and script writing. He’s made a few really good very low-budget flicks. He has a knack for funny. Just talking to him, he makes you laugh until your stomach hurts.
My high school transcripts are not very good, and I didn’t take all the math classes that I was required to take before one can attend college. I have a learning disability in math, and writing. So I had to get all that information in with my transcripts. I did well on my ACT’s, but I was allowed take as much time as I needed to finish because of my learning disability. This is also the reason I was able to graduate without taking Algebra II. I scored off the charts in the reading, and comprehension parts of the ACT’s, but the math really brought my score down. If there was no math on the ACT’s I would have gotten one of the highest scores in my class. I sent in those transcripts, and got a letter back telling me I had to be reevaluated for my learning disability to keep up the status’s you have to be evaluated every three years. I also had to take my ACT’s again, as well as the SAT’s.
So for the past few months I’ve studied for the ACT’s and SAT’s. Then I was reevaluated for signs of learning disability, which includes a standard IQ test with a doctor. The IQ test came back the same day I took the test, and my IQ was 111, which is up from 109 from the first time I had my IQ tested when I was in sixth grade. (It’s normal for a person to go up or down one or two points in IQ) I had to wait a couple of weeks for the ACT and SAT scores. I did slightly above average on both tests. I was also told that I still have a learning disability in mathematics. Turns out I no longer have a learning disablity in writing. So my ACT and SAT scores were re measured to take into account the time limit I was given, not being considered learning disabled when taking the test.
So I did all this, and figured I would have it all together if I were to apply to a college that would be more suited to my status. A community College or something of the sort. After getting all this done, and sending in the application, transcripts, test scores, and referrals from a teacher I had back in high school, who happens to have been the teacher who gave me the book of poems by Allen Ginsberg which included his famous poem Howl. Which in turn got me interested in bit nik writers and in literature in general, and he was the first person to encourage me to keep writing after I handed in a creative writing assignment. I also got a recommendation from a local politician who happens to be a friend of the family, a state Senator. Both my mom and dad wrote letters telling how much of a change I’ve made in my life, and how dedicated to literature and composition I am.
Skip ahead to this morning, and me getting the mail after getting back from the methadone clinic. I saw a large thick envelope addressed to me from the University of New York, New York City. The thought that it was an acceptance letter did not even cross my mind. I assumed it was a rejection letter, and they had sent back all those transcripts I had sent. I didn’t even bother to open it as soon as I got in the house. I sat down, and watched the Today Show for fifteen minutes. I had handed my dad the mail because most of it was for him. He handed me the big envelope addressed to me, and told me to open it to just see. So I opened it up, and I saw a bunch of paperwork, and pamphlets, and something about out-of-state students, and returning adult students. Information on financial aid, and then I saw a letter. It said, Ms. Young we are pleased to tell you that you have been accepted to NYU for the fall semester of 2012. Then I saw it, a condition I had to before starting class. I had to go to a local college and do two pre required classes and I had to finish these classes with a grade higher than B-. They informed me that there are condensed classes, which would allow me to finish these two required classes in a little over a month, when normally the class takes a whole semester to finish. I will be going to these classes, everyday four hours per class, so 8 hours every day. Algebra II, and Geometry are the classes I have to take. I’m allowed to have a tutor in class with me, and this tutor is also allowed to write the notes for me, or if I prefer he or she can help me write my own notes. I also have a private tutor at my disposal every day of the week until 8pm including Saturday until 5pm. If I finish these classes and have a grade of B- or above, I will be attending NYU in New York City.
Now paying for college, especially an expensive college is weighing on me. In the paperwork sent with my acceptance letter it explained to me that I was not eligible for a lot of the financial aid because I’m not from New York State. I can apply for any government grants I want. I was told a few times by different people who since I’m disabled and on SSI disability that the government will pay for most of if not all my schooling. I’ve never seen proof of this, and I looked on the Internet ALL DAY LONG looking to see to if this is true, and I have found no evidence that the government will pay any of college tuition because I’m disabled. I did find that since I’m a disabled child of a 100% disabled vet the government will pay a portion of my tuition. It didn’t say anything about adult returning students though.
If I don’t get any grants, or any help from the government because of my disability there is no way I can afford to attend NYU. I have a little over 3 thousand dollars saved, and my parents owe me 4 thousand dollars I borrowed them back in 2009 when I got my SSID back pay. That is a start, and my parents would help as much as they possibly can. If I was going to Green Bay I would be sitting pretty. As far as student loans, I have no idea what I qualify for, or if I even qualify. I have over 13,000 dollars in medical debt. I don’t have any debt besides the medical stuff. I have no credit, and my score is exactly 500. The lowest possible score a person can have. On the internet it said that you can get student loans even if you have no credit. I’m confused, because the bank told me I have no credit, but I have medical bill debts and a credit score of 500. So is my credit score 500 or do I have no credit?
Now I’m up still, and can’t fall asleep because I want to find out now if I will be able to go to NYU. I’m also very worried about those condensed classes. This will probably be expensive and eat up all the savings I have. Of course I’m a pessimist and I expect the worse. Even if I can afford NYU, what if I don’t pass the math classes? Would I be able to take them again, and start school in the spring semester?
Does anyone have any information on this? I would appreciate any advice.

I’ve been away a while. What have I been doing? Well for three days straight I used H. Then I ran out of a source of money, so I’m just on methadone right now. My urine is dirty so before I bought heroin I peed in a cup, and ever since I’ve been putting that pee in a condom and putting down in my nether region to warm it up. That sucks.

Now that family dosn’t know where I’m blogging I can talk about them. So my aunt Debbie has a step daughter, her name is Jo Jo. She has two kids, well really three, but the oldest one doesn’t live with her. The two little one’s live with Jo Jo. Now Jo Jo is a manly women. Very butch in her mannerisms. Talks like she’s the toughest broad to ever walk the streets. She a Crystal Meth addict, and a drunk. She is not a good mother, and lives off her real mom, and my aunt Debbie.  Now I don’t like Jo Jo, but my aunt who supposedly loves Jo, is always saying shit about how bad she is. I was sick of it. The last time I saw Jo I said be careful Debbie is a manipulative bitch.

I’ve been telling my mom now for months that I should video tape her talking shit about Jo, and send it to her. Well that opportunity presented itself a few days ago. We were driving back to Green Bay after having lunch at this shitty bar that Debbie just had to try. So as always Debbie started harping on about Jo, Jo did this, Jo said that, Jo is this. I said fuck it, and I got my phone, and pretended I was on drawsomething, but instead I video taped her whole half hour tirade about Jo Jo. Then when I got home I emailed the video to Jo Jo, and sent her a text explaining the video. Now I don’t know if she got this video, or not  because she never texted me back.

In other news we got a new car, a VW Passat 2010. Its ficken awesome, and I get to drive it most because I leave the house the most. Well that’s not totally true. My dad leaves a lot, but he takes the Jeep because he goes to the bar, and doesn’t want to wreck the new car. I don’t understand why he has to drive to the bar at all. We live just a few blocks from Broadway, or he could take a cab for cheap. Broadway is where all the bars he likes to go to are.

Tomorrow my dad turns 55, and he says that he’s never smoking or drinking again. I don’t believe a word of it. I herd it too many times. Just like he’s herd I’m never going to use heroin again. My mom pre made his favorite dish for tomorrows dinner, pork chops and sauerkraut. I got him a really nice card. Every time his birthday comes I feel like a complete waste of space, because of what I did on my dad’s 50th bday. When I Od’ed on Asprin, and wine. He found me unresponsive, and I didn’t wake until three days after his birthday in a hospital 300 miles from our old house in Michigan. I still have problems with my Kidneys because of that stunt.

If you can believe it, I’m still reading David Copperfield. I’m almost done. I’ve been having trouble keeping my eyes open when I’m trying to read. When I’m using I don’t even try, because I can’t even hold a cigarette with out dropping it, much less a book. I like to read between 10am and 4pm, but that’s the time I’m most tired. So lately I’ve been reading after 4pm to around 10pm. I really like the book. I’m at the part where his aunt lost all her money, and is now staying with “Trotwood” aka Davy. David hasn’t told he betrothed, Dora, that he’s no longer in a position to marry. As Dora is from an affluent home, and now David Copperfield has nothing but his name to pledge. Steerforth took little Em’ly from Ham, and ran off. Mrs. Steerforth tells Mr. Peggoty (little Em’ly’s adopted father) that Steerforth cannot and will not marry her and make her a lady. She’s just a peasant. The whole of Yarmouth is against lil Em’ly because she ran off to become a lady leaving behind her betrothed, Ham. Ham is in a sad way now that Emily is gone. I could go on and on, but I bore you.

I bought a bottle of turquoise hair dye, and purple hair dye. I’m not going to dye it just yet, and I’m still in love with the yellow hair. I love my hair so much that I started Weight Watchers again. I go to the meetings, and I have the apps on my phone to count my points. They even have this app that scans the bar codes on your phone of any food, and it tells you how many points it is. FYI, a large Milky Way is only 6 points. Instead of candy bars, I’ve moved on to blow pops. I suck on them almost all day. I suck at least 4 a day.

Well, I’m going to end this post. I’m going to change my gravatar. I no longer like the photo I have up there.

Live long and prosper.

Anna Grace Young

People who read this blog, please only comment here, not on my blogger site. In other news, I got a new phone. An android phone which I’m now aware that when I post on FB this stupid phone tells every asshole stalker where I’m at. So it’s out to every one that I’m not in Hawaii

I got a subpoena to testified against Jose on May 16t.h and 17th. Not looking forward to those days

So I put up some photos. Nobody on FB commented on pics, because most likely eveyone HATES my new look. I like it, because right now I don’t care what I look like. I could get a pixi cut and wouldn’t care. I did want to look like Courtney Love. Mainly because Kurt Cobain was attracted to her, and in my mind if Kurt was attracted to her, then men like Kurt would be attracted to me. Stupid I know. I did get one comment on my look on FB, and it said something to the effect of, “Anna I love  you, but you look like Courtney Love”. Like that was a bad thing.

Moving right along. I got myself a new phone. An Android touch phone, by Samsung.

Really I don’t have much else to write so I’ll leave you with this one last photo of me.